i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
