Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
