i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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