i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
