Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
