11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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