if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i drank out of a bidet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
