Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she told me i tasted like america
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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