Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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