i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
