my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
