Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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