you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
