He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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