I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
