Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.