im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
