I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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