Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.

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(323): She really thought E.D. was a sexually position. http://tfl.nu/ymfw

Replies (14) Good night (595) Bad night (3705)
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(817): View more from Texas

My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.

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(817): My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday. http://tfl.nu/n9me

Replies (20) Good night (1093) Bad night (2910)
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(360): View more from Washington

I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.

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(360): I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink. http://tfl.nu/xse5

Replies (6) Good night (4563) Bad night (869)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.

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(570): I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around. (1-570): It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am. http://tfl.nu/ckp3

Replies (8) Good night (4963) Bad night (1200)
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(253): View more from Washington

I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.

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(253): I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end. http://tfl.nu/6ben

Replies (9) Good night (3404) Bad night (993)
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(636): View more from Missouri

hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?

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(636): hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls? http://tfl.nu/dqbw

Replies (17) Good night (5214) Bad night (1145)
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(480): View more from Arizona

it's like russian roulette but with a penis

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(480): it's like russian roulette but with a penis http://tfl.nu/nnes

Replies (12) Good night (2624) Bad night (1205)
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(208): View more from Idaho

You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?

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(208): You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right? http://tfl.nu/dxzt

Replies (6) Good night (2181) Bad night (871)
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(443): View more from Maryland

His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.

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(443): His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number. http://tfl.nu/j9e9

Replies (21) Good night (3806) Bad night (809)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?

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(757): Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes? http://tfl.nu/b8rs

Replies (40) Good night (1063) Bad night (2341)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.

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(304): Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this. http://tfl.nu/ysuz

Replies (3) Good night (1351) Bad night (541)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.

(410): View more from Maryland

The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.

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(443): Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good. (410): The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky. http://tfl.nu/y3f5

Replies (10) Good night (1028) Bad night (2137)
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(810): View more from Michigan

So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.

(989): View more from Michigan

this is the most serious roommate agreement ever

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(810): So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way. (989): this is the most serious roommate agreement ever http://tfl.nu/m5zb

Replies (5) Good night (1554) Bad night (400)
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(954): View more from Florida

You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me

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(954): You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me http://tfl.nu/uohb

Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (332)
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(443): View more from Maryland

i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT

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(443): i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT http://tfl.nu/1m2q

Replies (4) Good night (499) Bad night (313)

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