Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?