you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?