I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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