So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
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Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.