In America we eat man semen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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