How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???