He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?