If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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