I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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