She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Two words: blizzard sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
