I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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