Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
