Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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