i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
