I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you had me at cake vodka
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
