I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
