i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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