I wish I could teleport
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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