my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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