I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
