be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
