I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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