I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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