I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
