**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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