you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
