So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
