if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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