i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
