Sry I called you an 8
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
