I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize