A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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