3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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