After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
