Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
