Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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