A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
