Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
