I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
