the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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