He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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