just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize