white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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