woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
