Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
