Im at strip club and am horny
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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