ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
