Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
