dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
