Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
