I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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