I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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