I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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