Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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