THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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