on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
