how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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