I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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