Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
