My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
