I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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