haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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