Having a random hookup so left but love u
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
