Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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