Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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