A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
