We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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