Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
