my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize