I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
