Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
